Bastards like that are everywhere.

So   today   Edith   was   kinda   upset   and   compliant   something   to   me.   We   have   to   give   out   presentation   almost   every   week.   The   beginning   of   this   semester,   we   all   consensually   agreed   that   the   6   weeks   before   midterm,   we   do   presentation   as   group   work.   Then   after   it,   we   have   to   do   it   individually.   I   quite   look   forward   to   it   cus   I   like   it   that   way.   I   mean,   I   prefer   doing   things   on   my   own.   Dividing   each   person   to   do   certain   jobs   can   be   annoying,   especially   when   those   people   don’t   usually   have   opinions   on   things.   I   don’t   like   that   actually.   Can   you   stand   that   when   you   want   to   ask   for   opinions   but   those   whom   you   ask   all   give   you   the   same   answer,   ‘I   am   Ok   with   everything.’   Seeing   people   saying   things   like   that   literally   piss   me   off.   I   am   not   saying   that   I   think   I   am   the   best   and   everyone   else   is   no   better   than   me.   It’s   that   I   like   doing   things   in   my   way.   I   like   to   instruct   people,   but   I   don’t   like   to   dominate   people.   That’s   why   I   don’t   usually   take   the   responsibility   of   being   a   leader   and   I   don’t   always   like   group   work.   Sometimes   I   dislike,   even   hate   the   team   spirit   things.

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Edith   was   really   not   happy   with   her   teammates.   She   said   it’s   always   her   taking   the   responsibility   and   other   members   couldn’t   even   help   her.   Somehow   she   couldn’t   explain,   the   condition   just   went   that   way.   Larissa   helped   a   little,   but   sometimes   she’ll   be   absent   and   left   jobs   to   Edith.   And   Giselle,   she’s   a   very   shy   girl.   She’s   got   a   stage   fright.   She’s   not   antisocial.   She   just   don’t   have   the   nerve   to   go   on   stage.   It   got   Edith   crazy.   I   totally   had   no   idea   what   to   say,   can’t   even   give   out   a   good   solution   to   her.   I   knew   this   feeling.   I   ever   was   in   Edith’s   shoes.   It’s   when   I   first   came   into   this   school.   then   it’s   the   first   thing   that   I   learn   here.   That   is,   who   has   the   sense   of   responsibility,   who’s   got   the   bummer.   It   seems   like   how   the   system   works.   I   used   to   be   upset   or   mad   about   this   stuff.   But   now   I   just   get   used   to   it.   In   a   way   I   just   recognize   it.   It   just   doesn’t   seem   to   matter   to   me   now.   Team   spirit?   Work   ethic?   My   ass.

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Sometimes   I   barely   can   stand   it.   I   lost   my   temper   though.   But   being   angry   just   doesn’t   help   anything,   and   in   fact,   worsen   everything.   I   am   trying   just   not   to   be   angry   about   this   shit.

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Edith   is   such   a   nice   girl   that   everyone   likes   her.   She’s   generous   and   kind.   She   never   say   no   if   anyone   ask   her   for   help.   That’s   why   people   like   her.   However,   that’s   what   bothers   her.   Cus   some   people   just   taker   her   for   granted.   Helping   them   seems   becoming   Edith’s   duty.   Larissa   is   the   example.   I   don’t   hate   her   though.   I   just   don’t   always   like   her.   She’s   the   kind   of   girls   I   don’t   appreciate.   And   I   assume   that   she’ll   be   the   last   girl   that   I’ll   date   if   I   were   a   boy.   I   got   a   lot   of   things   about   her   to   say.   She’s   a   weird   girl,   hard   to   define.   I   always   keep   a   distance   with   her.   I   don’t   really   feel   like   letting   get   closer   to   me.

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Anyway,   Edith   often   bothered   things   like   that.   It   just   occurred   me   what   I   read   from   The   Catcher   in   the   Rye.   Those   who   know   me   must   frequently   hear   me   talking   about   this   book.   It’s   my   favorite   book   of   all   time.   well   sometimes   I   was   afraid   that   my   friends   would   get   annoyed   if   I   over-mention   it.   Anyway,   it   reminds   me   of   a   part   of   this   story.  

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I   am   lazy   to   elaborate   all   the   scenes.   In   brief,   Stradlater   asked   Holden   if   he   could   do   him   a   big   favor,   writing   a   composition   for   him.   And   he   even   got   the   nerve   to   asked   Holden   not   do   it   too   good.   I   just   found   out   that   Larissa   is   like   Stradlater.   Just   because   some   people   are   crazy   about   themselves,   they   thought   you   are   crazy   about   them   too.   They   always   ask   you   to   do   them   a   big   favor,   cus   they   thought   you   would   be   really   happy   to   do   them   the   goddamn   favor.   Bastards   like   that   are   everywhere.   And   till   the   end   it   becomes   a   duty   for   you   to   do   all   shits   for   them.  

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But   facing   this   kind   of   condition,   I   can’t   really   say   anything.   You   know,   after   all,   the   story   and   the   reality   are   different.   All   we   can   do   is   to   grudgingly   comfort   ourselves,   saying,   ‘Oh,   never   mind   it.   We   can   learn   more   than   those   people.’   and   craps   like   that.   Sometimes,   this   is   life.   You   have   to   learn   how   to   suck   it.

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While   walking   along   the   campus,   she   mentioned   Dominic.   She   asked   me   how   he’s   doing.  

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‘How   do   I   know?’   I   laughed   and   shrugged.

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‘Oh,   I   thought   you   and   him   were   good   friends.’

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‘What?   How?   I   don’t   know   him   better   than   you   do.’

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‘Hey   shut   up,   don’t   make   fun   of   me   like   Daisy   and   Larissa.’

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‘No   offense.   Just   saying.’

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‘Ry-Ry,   how   do   you   know   if   you   have   feeling   on   someone?   By   heartbeat?   Or?’

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‘Edi,   I’ll   never   know.’   I   said,   ‘Heartbeat,   maybe.’

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‘You   know   what?   Giselle’s   dating   with   a   boy,   who   is   two   years   younger   than   us.’

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‘WHhhhhhhhhhhhhhatttt?’   I   expanded   my   tone,   not   exaggerating.   Seriously   I   was   shocked.   ‘Wait,   what?   She’s   done   with   the   Precious?’   We   called   Giselle’s   last   boyfriend,   ”Precious.”

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I   can’t   really   believe   though.   Giselle’s   shy   smile   confirmed   everything.   On   the   history   class,   I   made   a   poll.   I   asked   “Would   you   accept   guys   who’s   older   than   you?   If   yes,   how   old   is   the   maximum?”   and   “How   about   boys   who’s   younger   than   you?”

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I   handed   it   to   those   girls.   Most   of   the   girl   can   accept   older   guys,   about   3~5   years.   But   they   can’t   accept   younger   boys.   Except   for   Giselle.

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I   didn’t   write   the   answer.   Edith   asked   my   opinion.

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‘Ry-Ry,   how   about   you?’

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‘I   don’t   know.’   I   looked   at   the   poll.   ‘I   don’t   think   I’ll   ever   love   older   guys   again….   And   younger   boys,   neither.   And   I   don’t   think   I’ll   be   interested   in   boys   with   the   same   age……   Basically   that   means,   I   will   never   love   anyone.   Haha.   ’   I   laughed,   contemptuously.   So   I   didn’t   write   down   anything.   I   put   that   paper   back   to   my   notebook.

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