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HOT 閃亮星─肆夕耽美稿件大募集

Glass beads(5)

I   find   out   his   first   name   is   handsome,I   am   so   happy,my   teacher   if   you   like   me   to   learn   French,I   will   go   to   class   for   you,but   just   can't   find   a   tutor   like   you,you   tell   me   when   you   study   in   France,you   meet   a   metro   accident   and   house   on   fire,that   is   fun,I   like   to   listen   to   you,I   won't   doubt   you   say   you   always   walking   on   the   left   side   of   the   river,there   is   a   bridge   between   two   side,I   just   so   wish   I   can   be   with   you   at   that   time,I   am   a   girl   fond   of   day   dreaming,my   darling,I   know   you   like   to   be   alone,but   is   it   really   your   wish,or   let   me   be   with   you,whisper   things   you   want   to   hear,I   know   it   might   be   my   last   fantasy,because   I   have   left   my   last   man,from   now   on   I   don't   care   if   I   chase   love   in   hand   or   not,I   change   a   soul   to   be   absent   from   any   love   affairs,I   am   your   love   bound   I   know,if   you   don't   like,I   can   let   you   go,but   before   that,I   want   to   have   you   in   my   bed   dream,because   I   am   so   afraid   of   darkness   and   nightmare,it's   you   who   wipe   away   my   bad   dreams,I   will   thank   you   for   your   nice   to   me.   Can   we   be   each   other's   best   friend?I   have   a   honey   moon   that   is   what   I   like   very   much,I   know   you   are   a   decent   and   gentle   man,I   will   have   a   good   plan   to   go   back   to   what   I   am   just   like   before,to   make   you   happy   seeing   my   beautiful   face,and   I   will   go   on   reading   new   knowledge,to   prevent   you   forget   what   I   have   read   as   I   do.

last   night   he   tell   me   a   secret   that   his   gay   sex   is   bought   by   people   who   are   rich,i   am   so   jealous   that   i   cant   get   up   from   bed   to   do   something,i   sleep   all   day   long,then   i   get   his   email,his   name   is   john   gao,i   hope   i   am   not   going   too   deep   to   have   a   fake   marriage   with   him   by   oral   vow.i   think   i   am   too   naive,maybe   he   got   the   power   by   bitten   me,knock   me   down   on   my   literature   career,because   he   is   talking   nonesense   that   makes   me   messy   thinking,i   know   he   maybe   experience   a   good   study   time   in   france,with   famous   teacher   and   excellent   class   mates,i   should   not   imagine   the   truth   is   wrongly   made,but   first   of   all,i   would   like   to   email   him   for   n   wish   to   get   rturn   letters,for   i   scold   him   is   a   gay,i   really   have   nothing   to   lose.38

last   night   i   draem   about   china   government   try   to   sign   my   contract   to   publish   my   all   works   of   english   version,when   i   see   a   germany   envaster   talk   to   me   face   to   face,he   ask   me   about   all   my   boyfriends,i   tell   him   they   are   all   ghost   fans,then   he   feel   scared   and   run   away.39

today   i   feel   not   so   well,because   of   my   teacher   is   a   gay,it   is   truth   that   he   earn   the   sex   money   for   his   parents   to   spend,i   feel   so   shameful,and   i   would   not   like   to   talk   to   him   qny   more.i   dont   want   his   dirty   money   either,i   will   spend   my   life   all   alone,forget   about   andre   and   john,they   are   just   look   like   white   face   but   has   no   indeed   powerful   thought.40

i   say   judan   judan   to   him,he   looks   happy,but   after   huging   and   kissing,i   dream   of   a   tarot   god   that   he   has   a   crystal   head   and   a   single   huge   eye   in   it,she   give   me   fortune   telling   to   me   four   times,and   i   want   to   get   away,so   i   drink   wine   with   the   people   out   there   the   small   temple,then   i   ask   where   is   the   bus   to   the   airport,she   wont   tell   me,and   also   refuse   to   drive   me   there.41

the   next   day,i   dream   about   high   school   literature   salon   at   a   house,it   looks   like   school,the   students   are   happy   celebrate   the   art   work   expression   activity,i   feel   glad   that   my   books   are   thickly   published   in   the   book   shelf,i   feel   so   prode   but   the   president   of   the   school   feel       very   angry,she   point   my   caligraphic   words   as   messive   writing,i   just   laugh   and   pretending   unseen.i   wake   up   with   a   desire   to   pee,and   all   people   hear   that   and   rush   away,so   funny.42

the   night   dream   today   morning,is   the   marriage   in   bed   with   him,he   is   not   named   john,j   and   h   is   his   name   title   pronounce,i   know   it   and   then   i   call   his   name   when   he   is   on   the   top   of   me,i   love   him   hug   me   with   a   brown   cotton   dress   of   enland   square   design,i   know   he   is   trying   to   tell   me   that   i   am   possible   to   be   barthe's   only   one   girlfriend   in   secret,now   so   many   woman   runing   in   front   of   me   showing   jealousy   anger   to   me,i   run   and   hide,and   then   i   am   back   to   huis   arms,he   ask   me   what's   going   on,i   tell   him   all   about,he   smiled   at   me.43

i   have   a   sleeping   wedding   with   my   teacher,and   this   is   a   silent   permission,but   soon   i   find   out   he   has   a   bad   temper   that   he   slamp   at   my   face   in   the   air,i   try   to   let   him   calm   down,because   who   can   control   the   dream   out   of   control,and   to   explain   to   him   is   also   sinful,a   strange   man   kiss   me   while   he   play   a   nudity   jumping   perfomance   of   mine   in   the   bus,i   push   him   away,i   am   a   popular   writer   that   everybody   want   a   piece   of   me,i   am   so   afraid,but   the   enemy   party   shoot   at   me   in   the   night   street,i   get   no   bullet,it   is   so   close   that   i   almost   get   shot,my   teacher   tell   me   it   is   because   we   both   are   green   party,so   i   understand   why   that   we   are   so   suitable   for   each   other.44

my   teacher   can   speak   the   same   many   language   as   me,taiwanese,english,franch,japanese,and   chinese,but   he   does   not   like   use   taiwanese   because   he   feel   uncivilizied   in   talking,so   i   just   talk   secret   with   him   by   taiwanese   and   english   that   my   extra   never   understand   a   bit,he   is   a   fool   that   ask   me   back   for   money,i   dont   care   about   my   extra   because   he   never   admit   my   position   at   his   home,he   just   has   a   sense   of   chinese   intellectural   prode   that   it   seems   i   cant   compare   with   him   and   to   pitch   with   him,that   is   why   i   say   he   is   idet   in   the   way   he   act.45

i   walk   with   my   teacher   on   the   street   and   we   hold   hands,we   sit   on   the   brench   watching   people   going   on   their   road,do   anything   they   proceed,my   teacher   not   aloow   me   to   write   the   sentence   in   the   novel,such   as   i   provoke   a   gay,or   i   envoke   a   gay,i   can   only   write   i   devoke   a   gay,that   is   so   interesting,my   dear   husband,i   dont   know   where   is   our   ending,but   i   respect   you   and   your   wish,i   devoke   a   gay   and   that   man   is   you,is   that   right?46

but   today   noon   i   sleep   to   rest   for   a   while,he   came   into   my   dream   and   say   he   has   no   class   today,and   he   make   me   do   sex   with   him,he   touch   my   hair   and   rub   my   virgina,with   gentle   stick   show   in   front   of   me,i   blow   job   for   it,and   we   making   love   out   of   nothing   at   all,he   is   always   talking   about   see   my   mother   to   appeal   wedding   of   us,but   my   mother   still   no   one   in   her   eyesight,the   poor   bride   is   me   that   will   never   get   marriaged,i   am   so   in   love   but   in   vain.i   try   to   say   good   about   him   to   my   mother,but   she   just   want   me   to   marry   a   rich   guy.47

but   then   i   doubt   if   the   teacher   is   quite   leasure,he   has   a   lot   of   time   to   spend   with   me   but   he   would   not   like   to,he   is   afraid   of   me   being   taken   away   by   andre,so   he   hold   me   tight,so   much   love   i   can   feel,he   is   really   loving   me,to   him   i   am   like   a   princess,but   to   andre   i   am   a   psyco,i   shouldnt   sent   him   so   many   gifts   that   he   blame   me   cheating   on   him,i   did   not   tend   to.48

yesterday   he   is   like   floating   boat   on   my   body,now   is   near   morning,he   dont   know   where   i   dream   on,so   he   fuck   me   quickly   like   a   hard   stick,i   ask   him   why   he   do   so,he   tell   me   last   night   i   just   go   to   sleep   in   my   dream   that   he   cant   control,i   dream   about   sisterhood   playing   on   the   house,it   is   so   naive,he   is   happy   with   that   reason,so   he   wish   me   good   supper.49

while   i   am   dreaming   about   the   package   i   am   collecting,i   see   the   sky   has   a   black   hole,i   watch   it   wheeling   like   a   thunder   rain,and   i   go   to   the   foreign   and   some   girls   talk   to   me   remember   to   go   to   church,i   walk   along   the   port   meat   spreading   road,and   i   drink   four   hundred   of   two   green   juice,one   is   for   a   woman   who   follow   me,i   walk   through   the   car   broken   and   sinking   in   the   road,and   we   also   go   to   the   book   shop   to   see   my   books   on   the   billboard   number,she   dislike   my   book   and   go   away,i   go   to   the   night   church,while   every   one   is   so   selfish   dont   care   about   if   i   have   a   seat   to   sit,but   when   i   see   the   meal   service   over   there,i   want   to   approach   in   but   unfortranately   i   wake   up,and   my   eating   desire   is   still   remain   when   i   think   of   this.50

i   wait   for   my   teacher   to   give   me   a   email,i   write   down   a   sentence   of   'if   i   know   you   were   gay   i   will   never   write   these   poem   for   you',and   he   ask   me   why,i   cheat   on   him   that'if   you   are   my   lover   i   will   write   down   these   poem   for   you',between   commade   and   lover,we   seem   not   any   more   getting   together,because   i   refuse   to   get   a   illusionary   hearing   illness,i   had   enough.51

i   just   dont   want   to   be   alone.52

in   my   sleep,i   walk   alone,till   morning   come,my   mother   cook   rice   noodles   for   me,and   then   she   go   out   to   produce   paper   flowers   for   religious   ceremony,i   say   i   want   to   fellow,she   say   that   i   dont   report   forehead,so   i   cant   go   with   her,i   drink   milk   shake   that   my   sister   bring   to   me,i   still   very   sad   thati   let   my   teacher   go,for   i   cant   make   a   proffesser   love   me   for   so   sure.53

my   teacher   to   me,is   like   a   swift   breeze   of   wind   on   my   body,it   is   so   soft   that   i   cant   describe,he   is   like   a   gentle   prince   in   literature   and   graphic,the   essence   is   always   so   neat   and   clean,he   tell   me   he   love   to   wash   his   secret   place,and   so   i   taste   it   and   feel   it   is   so   clean,my   teacher   hear   i   will   go   to   his   school   to   travel   for   a   few   days,he   is   nerveous   that   he   say   his   school   is   very   large,i   probably   dont   know   how   to   get   to   his   adormitary,i   feel   happy   again,he   is   reaaly   care   about   me,and   i   like   to   say   things   to   shock   him,and   he   is   totally   a   sweet   sugar   to   me,i   will   chase   him   back,because   last   night   he   say   he   just   want   to   leave   me   alone   to   testify   my   feeling,i   feel   sleep   without   him   is   so   much   torture,my   headache   because   lack   of   his   love,i   feel   dizzy.54  

after   i   check   his   website   i   know   that   he   is   named   juhi,as   his   taiwanese   name,i   find   out   all   his   achivememts   on   the   list,and   i   feel   i   will   ruin   his   career,so   i   kind   of   wanna   let   go   of   his   hand,but   i   think   maybe   i   pick   up   all   these   knowledge   back   in   my   head,i   will   get   all   of   his   loving,so   i   try   to   study   what   is   psycho   analyze,and   i   want   to   do   reaserch   on   some   poetry   writers,first   of   all,i   should   email   my   teacher   'what   is   the   main   point   of   psyco   analyze'.55    

my   teacher   want   money,but   i   dont   know   what   he   want   to   do   with   money,as   to   me,i   need   to   run   away   from   taiwan   before   china   goverment   come,he   promise   to   take   me   with   him   to   go   french,but   i   dont   trust   him,we   are   just   two   souls   speaking   in   the   air,he   havent   answer   my   email,but   he   do   change   his   abbriviation   into   juhi,which   i   like   to   explore   him   by   this   way,it   response   his   good   impression   to   me,but   i   think   he   maybe   escape   from   me   sending   constant   emails   to   him,so   i   never   send   any   letter   no   more,all   i   want   to   say   are   all   in   this   book.i   dont   care   if   he   see   this   or   not,i   just   want   to   fill   my   life   with   my   centralism   love   feeling.56

i   want   to   ask   him   what   does   he   feel   about   fake   achademy   report,ask   how   he   go   to   the   class   with   a   powerpoint   disk   in   his   pocket,carry   his   papers   of   invisible   UBS   all   around   the   campus,i   think   he   just   do   as   other   teachers   do,and   then   i   want   to   ask   how   he   score   like   excellent   expert   student   in   france,if   he   ever   make   french   friends   with   his   classmates,all   i   want   to   ask   is   locked   by   a   key   of   his   mouth,i   wanna   know   if   he   need   to   be   psyco   analysis   before   he   analyze   others,i   want   to   analyze   him   by   a   title   of   a   high   class   scholar   who   is   easily   getting   rude   on   his   erective   female,that   is   me,he   tell   me   that   he   always   erect   when   he   see   me,i   have   to   make   sure   of   his   affermation   about   this   explaination,to   make   clear   if   he   love   me   by   heart   and   soul,not   by   any   sudden   apluse   that   can   resonized.57

he   study   fauclt,and   many   more   book   i   have   read   by   chinese   version,but   he   go   on   his   body   without   organ   life,i   spent   my   fancy   novel   sexism   dream,i   will   concentrate   on   finding   a   kind   of   reading   pleasure   i   love   to   show   how   i   like   indevidural   life   as   usual   and   as   before,i   wont   ever   change   my   goal   to   success   my   writing,but   right   now   i   am   stuck   in   a   book   about   marx   in   the   alley   and   lane,i   never   read   marx   before,right   now   just   face   it,and   remember   all   the   damn   shit   theory   i   know   to   preach   the   new   comer   in   the   society,to   prove   all   their   words   and   report   are   bullshit,we   dont   need   no   educationized   jouralist   or   words   worker   to   break   down   the   rule   of   pure   conscious   about   history   fore   and   back,i   doubt   that   marx   will   attack   our   taiwan   soon   years   after,i   am   now   in   2099,so   i   can   tell   you   that   the   world   is   stll   so   slow   in   civilization,i   see   the   love   is   not   being   analyzed   wll   be   a   symbol   of   falling   of   civilization.58

my   teacher,may   i   call   you   as   the   only   one   name   in   the   world,for   i   am   so   scared   at   you,and   i   am   in   another   way   so   respected   to   you,i   want   to   tell   you   that   i   can   live   in   a   world   without   lie,i   just   cant   pretend   that   i   have   no   love,your   life   has   all   been   in   the   foreum,and   thesis   writing,i   am   only   a   free   author   in   romance,it   is   my   duty   to   write   love   story   for   all   people   to   know,but   i   want   to   ask   buddha   what   is   the   purpose   i   need   to   get   to   this   world,if   i   can   do   what   ever   i   want,   i   will   choose   my   teacher   at   the   first   time?i   can   not   be   so   rude   to   him,what   if   he   slamp   me?i   hate   people   hit   me   most,so   i   will   always   remember   the   hatred   in   my   mind,but   as   to   him,i   kind   of   soft   minded,and   i   dont   even   hate   him   or   dislike   him.59

what   if   he   read   all   over   my   blog,would   i   be   studied   by   any   profeesional   writer?60    

finally,he   give   me   a   bolly   and   bold   dream,i   am   traped   in   the   hospital,that   is   a   sign   he   find   me   to   be,but   i   am   being   prophet   that   in   the   future   i   will   have   a   good   life,and   have   concret   power,so   why   not   forget   about   the   nightmare,and   enjoy   my   life   just   now.(end)  

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